Out of habit parents will over praise a child. They will praise for every little action they perform; eating, smiling, walking, playing etc etc. I believe praise can be waaaaayy over done. Secondly, we need to shift the focus of our praise from the child to the child's behaviour. Change 'good girl/boy' to 'well done'.
Ordinary acts of everyday life don't need praise. In my experience, children that are praised for every little thing develop a greater fear of failure. This fear limits their desire to achieve.
Children are GOOD regardless of us, so why imply that they are not good if they do not meet our expectations. A common example of this is at mealtime. Many parents I see say 'good girl/boy' when bub eats a spoonful of food. A child does not need to be told they are 'good' when eating food, they do not eat to please a parent, they eat because they are hungry. Praise that focuses the attention on the child, instead of their behaviour, is counter productive. In their mind, if they are not good, then they must be bad. When praising, it is important to focus the attention on the act. For example, during mealtime, if you feel praise is appropriate, try; "I see you enjoyed your meal" or ask "Was it Yummy?". Other examples are: if little Jane puts her toys away say 'well done' or 'good job'. Focus on the act, not the child.
Praise, if only given after having achieved something, teaches a child that life is about pleasing the parent. It concerns me that a child's self esteem depends upon meeting a parent's expectations. We need to give encouragement during the process, rather than waiting until they achieve.
Every parent I see wants to do the best for their child, some even seek perfection. Children don't need perfection, they need appropriate encouragement and support. Praising their effort and intent, despite their level of success.
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