It is not built into children to behave 'well' or be considerate of others, it is learned. Accept it because it is how we are and most of us will spend a lifetime trying not to let our ego take over. HOW we manage our behaviour is the key. In this article I'm going to discuss common drives of misbehaviour in little-ones. Also, disciple and punishment.
For better or worse, human nature is an unruly beast and in our little-ones we see it in it's most pure form. The EGO is number one and some egos are bigger than others. Early experiences play a big part in how the ego develops. Personality, temperament, family position, style of parenting, nutrition, social conditions all play a part in how a person develops. Think about how much you do to get what you want. A parent does not always go into to settle a crying baby because the baby has a need. Stopping a crying baby is often more about relieving our stress, than the bub's.
My training and experience enables me to observe and assess a child's goals for using good and bad behaviour. Children know exactly what they want and will use different behaviours to get it. Common misbehaviour include: attention seeking, revenge and inadequate behaviour. Sometimes I see children trying all of them to get what they want. Small children see the world with a: See it, Want it and It is mine! (regardless of anyone or anything else) mentality. As parents its our job to stay cool, assess and understand. Children need to be shown and taught what is acceptable behaviour.
Little-ones have very little control over their emotions. If something displeases them they will invariably yell/scream and sometimes hit or bite etc. This is all normal. It is normal to show how one feels in a tense situation. Children need our focus and they need us to be fair. They are very aware of what is fair and just, but will still protest and are allowed to without our condemnation. I refer you to my article on 'STOP,ASSESS and ACT".
To discipline does not mean to punish, it means to teach and we parents are the role models. To punish every misdemeanor is counter productive, especially under 3 years of age. I recommend trying to 'walk' in the child's shoes. When dealing with misbehaviour use language with action to teach the child what they can do instead, rather than what they shouldn't be doing. This way you distract them from the undesired behaviour and focus their attention on positive behaviour.
Human nature is blessed with generally being 'good', but reality shows there is also a dark side to us all. An excellent series of books which explains child behaviour etc is produced by S.T.E.P - System Training for Effective Parenting. I recommend reading 'Parenting Young Children'.
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